Be My Valentine
I have a series of questions I ask a couple anticipating marriage. Some are as follows: “I assume that you would have no problem admitting to me that you are in love, right?” After giving a glance to each other, they always nod in agreement. “Ok,” I say. “What is your definition of love?” They always stumble on this one.
What is love?
Some of us remember a movie that was playing in the 70’s, “Love Story.” It was a story of love between a man and a woman with one powerful line of definition that went like this: “Love means never having to say you are sorry.” People left the movie, moved with emotion, repeating the definition. Here I am decades later, repeating that definition word for word and I honestly still have no idea what that means. I have reviewed the possibilities of what it meant to the writer, but none of those possibilities really make sense. For instance, does it mean you never do anything wrong and therefore never have to say you are sorry? Does it mean that when you do something wrong, you do not have to say you are sorry? Does it mean that the one who has been wronged never notices the wrong done to them? The possible explanations continue…
What is love? The definition that matters is the definition given and demonstrated in the Bible. The definition is specifically given in I Corinthians 13: (“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude…”). All of these statements describe love as specific attitude and action. A person can love another whether or not they have a warm fuzzy in their heart. Since love defined by I Corinthians 13 is what you do or don’t do for another, it must be understood that love of another is a choice whether the feeling of love is there or not.
The example of this is given throughout the Bible as we see God demonstrating His love to people from Adam and Eve on. The culmination of the example of love is, of course Jesus. (I John 3: 16: “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us”).
For all of us, longing to be loved by the I Corinthians definition of love, God has said to us, “Be my valentine!” He has made it clear that His arms are wide open to accept us as we are and then to provide for us what we need. We must understand that sometimes His love includes a stern rebuke when we break His law. The rebuke is not evidence that He does not love us, quite the opposite. The rebuke is evidence that He does! (Hebrews 12:6 (“The Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son”). God’s love is constant and so much more than words or emotion. God’s love is action. He has demonstrated His love in the incarnation of Christ and the humiliation of the cross because He loves us. He says to all, “BE MY VALENTINE.”
The Bible then goes on to tell us what love for God is: I John 5: 3: (This is love for God: to obey His commands). Again, since love is specific attitude and action then a person can love God whether they feel a warm fuzzy in their heart or not. One of those commands of God is this: “love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13: 34)
Several years ago, Walter Trobisch wrote the following: “Love is a feeling to be learned.” I would add to his exhortation “love is an attitude and behavior to be learned.” It is my experience that the warm fuzzy of love cannot be trusted as a barometer of love. Action and behavior can and from the action and behavior, the warm fuzzy of love is learned.
I would suggest to you that much of what we think is love or an act of love is not love at all according to the definition and example of the Bible. We would do well to examine our perceived love with Bible in hand.
I would also suggest when loving another seems impossible, the strength and motivation to love them comes from a meditation on the reality of Christ’s love already demonstrated to us.
Happy Valentine’s Day
What is love?
Some of us remember a movie that was playing in the 70’s, “Love Story.” It was a story of love between a man and a woman with one powerful line of definition that went like this: “Love means never having to say you are sorry.” People left the movie, moved with emotion, repeating the definition. Here I am decades later, repeating that definition word for word and I honestly still have no idea what that means. I have reviewed the possibilities of what it meant to the writer, but none of those possibilities really make sense. For instance, does it mean you never do anything wrong and therefore never have to say you are sorry? Does it mean that when you do something wrong, you do not have to say you are sorry? Does it mean that the one who has been wronged never notices the wrong done to them? The possible explanations continue…
What is love? The definition that matters is the definition given and demonstrated in the Bible. The definition is specifically given in I Corinthians 13: (“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude…”). All of these statements describe love as specific attitude and action. A person can love another whether or not they have a warm fuzzy in their heart. Since love defined by I Corinthians 13 is what you do or don’t do for another, it must be understood that love of another is a choice whether the feeling of love is there or not.
The example of this is given throughout the Bible as we see God demonstrating His love to people from Adam and Eve on. The culmination of the example of love is, of course Jesus. (I John 3: 16: “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us”).
For all of us, longing to be loved by the I Corinthians definition of love, God has said to us, “Be my valentine!” He has made it clear that His arms are wide open to accept us as we are and then to provide for us what we need. We must understand that sometimes His love includes a stern rebuke when we break His law. The rebuke is not evidence that He does not love us, quite the opposite. The rebuke is evidence that He does! (Hebrews 12:6 (“The Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son”). God’s love is constant and so much more than words or emotion. God’s love is action. He has demonstrated His love in the incarnation of Christ and the humiliation of the cross because He loves us. He says to all, “BE MY VALENTINE.”
The Bible then goes on to tell us what love for God is: I John 5: 3: (This is love for God: to obey His commands). Again, since love is specific attitude and action then a person can love God whether they feel a warm fuzzy in their heart or not. One of those commands of God is this: “love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13: 34)
Several years ago, Walter Trobisch wrote the following: “Love is a feeling to be learned.” I would add to his exhortation “love is an attitude and behavior to be learned.” It is my experience that the warm fuzzy of love cannot be trusted as a barometer of love. Action and behavior can and from the action and behavior, the warm fuzzy of love is learned.
I would suggest to you that much of what we think is love or an act of love is not love at all according to the definition and example of the Bible. We would do well to examine our perceived love with Bible in hand.
I would also suggest when loving another seems impossible, the strength and motivation to love them comes from a meditation on the reality of Christ’s love already demonstrated to us.
Happy Valentine’s Day